Happy 4th of July!
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"...good enough to eat, heh, heh. Now. for more on coverage of the festivities, we'll take you over to Anni Zoob who is covering the annual Running of the Humans in New York. Anni?"
"Thanks Ted. Every city and town in New America likes to celebrate Zombie Independence with a traditional human run, but none can compare with the Big Apple's Running of the Humans. Behind me you can see the cages being lowered into position. Two hundred humans will be released on Madison Avenue at noon, and given 30 minutes to disperse. Then the Freedom Bell will be rung and the crowd will be free to hunt and gorge. Thousands have come down to watch the release. There isn't a dry chin down here."
"Speaking of which, I see a bit of drool on your lapel as well."
"Ha, thanks Ted. What can I say, the atmosphere, the stench, my stomach's rumbling. I've got my helmet and I plan to be out with the crowd once the Dinner Bell rings."
"You mean the Freedom Bell?"
"Right, the Freedom Bell. This is Anni Zoob signing off."
"Thanks Anni. Of course, in our modern society, no tradition, no matter how revered, is without its controversy. And that includes the beloved Running of the Humans. With us now is Professor Mort Vivisac who is leading a group determined to ban the practice. Tell us why Professor, are you concerned with the treatment of the humans?"
"...."
"Hmm, a little technical glitch with the Professor's microphone. Professor can you hear us?"
"Yes I can hear you Ted, can you hear me now?."
"Yes we can, thank you Professor. So, tell our audience why you think the Running of the Humans should be banned."
"Well Ted, first there is just the inherit risk to all zombies of having humans running about loose. What if they escaped?"
"I must point out at this point Professor that in the decade that the Running of the Humans has been held no released human was ever at large for longer than twenty four hours. The only zombie fatality over those years was Bjorn Bronk, who tumbled off a ledge when he was pursuing a human."
"Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean that it can't happen Ted. But setting aside that risk there is a greater issue here. For years the humans portrayed zombies as mindless eating machines in their media. Given the enlightened conversations we are having now we are obviously not. The Running of the Humans reinforces the worst stereotypes of zombie-kind."
"So you believe we should eat our food with knives and forks and dab the corner of our mouths with napkins and pinkies raised? You would have us be pretend humans Professor?"
"Please Ted, you are grossly distorting what I am saying. There is a vast difference between a public feeding frenzy and how one behaves in one's own home."
"We'll have to leave the debate there for now Professor. Coming up, more Channel 5 coverage of the Independence Day celebration. Also, an important health tip from Doctor Orp about keeping stump rot in check. You won't want to miss it. But first, a word from our sponsors."
"Argh, Bernie, this tastes like a human that's been left to rot in the sun for three days."
"That's the way I like it Joe. Dead and red."
"Not me, I like 'em Livin' and wigglin'."
"Dead and red!"
"Livin' and wigglin'"
"Fellas, fellas, there's no need to argue."
"Wolfgang Puck, what are you doing here?"
"Since having been zombified, I've dedicated my unlife to developing a culinary experience that will satisfy the zombie palate. I'm proud to introduce my new line of home dinners, Drop Dead Mea..."
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THE END copyright 2013 John Lance
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"...good enough to eat, heh, heh. Now. for more on coverage of the festivities, we'll take you over to Anni Zoob who is covering the annual Running of the Humans in New York. Anni?"
"Thanks Ted. Every city and town in New America likes to celebrate Zombie Independence with a traditional human run, but none can compare with the Big Apple's Running of the Humans. Behind me you can see the cages being lowered into position. Two hundred humans will be released on Madison Avenue at noon, and given 30 minutes to disperse. Then the Freedom Bell will be rung and the crowd will be free to hunt and gorge. Thousands have come down to watch the release. There isn't a dry chin down here."
"Speaking of which, I see a bit of drool on your lapel as well."
"Ha, thanks Ted. What can I say, the atmosphere, the stench, my stomach's rumbling. I've got my helmet and I plan to be out with the crowd once the Dinner Bell rings."
"You mean the Freedom Bell?"
"Right, the Freedom Bell. This is Anni Zoob signing off."
"Thanks Anni. Of course, in our modern society, no tradition, no matter how revered, is without its controversy. And that includes the beloved Running of the Humans. With us now is Professor Mort Vivisac who is leading a group determined to ban the practice. Tell us why Professor, are you concerned with the treatment of the humans?"
"...."
"Hmm, a little technical glitch with the Professor's microphone. Professor can you hear us?"
"Yes I can hear you Ted, can you hear me now?."
"Yes we can, thank you Professor. So, tell our audience why you think the Running of the Humans should be banned."
"Well Ted, first there is just the inherit risk to all zombies of having humans running about loose. What if they escaped?"
"I must point out at this point Professor that in the decade that the Running of the Humans has been held no released human was ever at large for longer than twenty four hours. The only zombie fatality over those years was Bjorn Bronk, who tumbled off a ledge when he was pursuing a human."
"Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean that it can't happen Ted. But setting aside that risk there is a greater issue here. For years the humans portrayed zombies as mindless eating machines in their media. Given the enlightened conversations we are having now we are obviously not. The Running of the Humans reinforces the worst stereotypes of zombie-kind."
"So you believe we should eat our food with knives and forks and dab the corner of our mouths with napkins and pinkies raised? You would have us be pretend humans Professor?"
"Please Ted, you are grossly distorting what I am saying. There is a vast difference between a public feeding frenzy and how one behaves in one's own home."
"We'll have to leave the debate there for now Professor. Coming up, more Channel 5 coverage of the Independence Day celebration. Also, an important health tip from Doctor Orp about keeping stump rot in check. You won't want to miss it. But first, a word from our sponsors."
"Argh, Bernie, this tastes like a human that's been left to rot in the sun for three days."
"That's the way I like it Joe. Dead and red."
"Not me, I like 'em Livin' and wigglin'."
"Dead and red!"
"Livin' and wigglin'"
"Fellas, fellas, there's no need to argue."
"Wolfgang Puck, what are you doing here?"
"Since having been zombified, I've dedicated my unlife to developing a culinary experience that will satisfy the zombie palate. I'm proud to introduce my new line of home dinners, Drop Dead Mea..."
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THE END copyright 2013 John Lance
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