I have always wanted to give a commencement speech. "Good luck boys and girls, you're going to need it." Probably wouldn't get invited back though...
Bernard Fergal was whistling as he walked in the front door carrying a large paper bag.
"Bernard, what a pleasant surprise, you're home from work early," his wife, Kitty, said as she gave him a peck on the cheek. "Did you have a good day?"
"The best!" Bernard said, heading into the kitchen. Kitty trailed behind. The bag clinked as he put it down on the counter.
Kitty peeked in and frowned. "Are those bottles of tequila? And where is your tie and jacket?"
"Gave 'em to a bum," he said as he took out the bottles of Jose Cuervo. "You see Kitty, I had an epiphany today. Bob was watching that commencement speech Steve Jobs gave where he told the students to pursue their dreams and quit any job they didn't like. So I did."
"Did what?"
"Quit my job. Walked right into Jerry's office and let him know how I've really felt for the last eleven years. That rug will never be white again."
Kitty's blue eyes were wide. "So, you're going to get a new job so you can pursue your passion?"
"Pursue my passion, yes, get a job, hell no."
"I don't understand."
"I've decided that what I really want to do is help my fellow man, and I think the best way to do that is become an object lesson."
"A what?"
"An object lesson. Years from now, when some guy is thinking about chucking it all on a whim, his friends will tell him 'Wait, don't you remember Bernard Fergal, who quit his job, became a drunk, and lost it all?'"
"Became a drunk?"
"Well, let's face it, this liquor isn't going to drink itself." Bernard poured himself a shot of tequila and swallowed it down. He coughed. "Ah, Jose, a tough but fair man."
"But, what about the bills and the mortgage and the kids' college?"
"Not to worry, that's just part of the rich tapestry that will really drive my cautionary tale home. You know, the 'He lost everything' part."
"You're acting crazy. I'm taking the children and going to my parents. We'll come back when you've regained your senses," Kitty walked out of the kitchen yelling, "Kids, come on, we're going to go visit Grandma and Grandpa."
"Thanks for your commitment to making my dream come true. Nothing says losing it all like having your wife and kids walk out on you," Bernard yelled after her. Then, digging into his pocket, he muttered, "Now, where did I put that Crystal Meth?"
THE END
Copyright 2012 John Lance
Bernard Fergal was whistling as he walked in the front door carrying a large paper bag.
"Bernard, what a pleasant surprise, you're home from work early," his wife, Kitty, said as she gave him a peck on the cheek. "Did you have a good day?"
"The best!" Bernard said, heading into the kitchen. Kitty trailed behind. The bag clinked as he put it down on the counter.
Kitty peeked in and frowned. "Are those bottles of tequila? And where is your tie and jacket?"
"Gave 'em to a bum," he said as he took out the bottles of Jose Cuervo. "You see Kitty, I had an epiphany today. Bob was watching that commencement speech Steve Jobs gave where he told the students to pursue their dreams and quit any job they didn't like. So I did."
"Did what?"
"Quit my job. Walked right into Jerry's office and let him know how I've really felt for the last eleven years. That rug will never be white again."
Kitty's blue eyes were wide. "So, you're going to get a new job so you can pursue your passion?"
"Pursue my passion, yes, get a job, hell no."
"I don't understand."
"I've decided that what I really want to do is help my fellow man, and I think the best way to do that is become an object lesson."
"A what?"
"An object lesson. Years from now, when some guy is thinking about chucking it all on a whim, his friends will tell him 'Wait, don't you remember Bernard Fergal, who quit his job, became a drunk, and lost it all?'"
"Became a drunk?"
"Well, let's face it, this liquor isn't going to drink itself." Bernard poured himself a shot of tequila and swallowed it down. He coughed. "Ah, Jose, a tough but fair man."
"But, what about the bills and the mortgage and the kids' college?"
"Not to worry, that's just part of the rich tapestry that will really drive my cautionary tale home. You know, the 'He lost everything' part."
"You're acting crazy. I'm taking the children and going to my parents. We'll come back when you've regained your senses," Kitty walked out of the kitchen yelling, "Kids, come on, we're going to go visit Grandma and Grandpa."
"Thanks for your commitment to making my dream come true. Nothing says losing it all like having your wife and kids walk out on you," Bernard yelled after her. Then, digging into his pocket, he muttered, "Now, where did I put that Crystal Meth?"
THE END
Copyright 2012 John Lance
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