The coffin has been getting a little snug these last few months, but this evening Renfield had to slather me in butter to get me out. He didn't say anything, but I noticed that the tux had been let out again. I have resolved to cut back. No more O positive for me, it goes straight to my thighs. Nothing but healthy AB negative. I feel better already.
The first veek vas hard, I got terrible headaches. I will have to apologize to Renfield, I vas so grouchy I snapped at him. Fortunately, no one really needs a pinky. AB negative lacks the spirit and full body of O positive, and I have yet to lose any weight. But I am sure it vill get better.
It's vorse. Sure, I can button my jacket but I feel like I'm vasting avay. Plus the villagers are starting to get uppity since I cut back. They actually formed an angry mob with torches outside my gate until Renfield poured some oil on them. Vhat is the point of looking good if I'm just a shadow of myself?
Enjoyed an entire family of overveight O's last night. Peasants are back vhere they belong, cowering in their hovels. I've ordered a double vide coffin and Renfield is sewing me a new tuxedo. Death is good.
Copyright 2012 John Lance